I'm a perfectionist. I set high standards for myself, and when I don't meet them I give myself a mental scolding. I hate falling short, and I hate messing up. Whether it be grades, learning new music, or writing a new story, all things I take seriously, if I can't perform them to the best of my abilities, then I've failed. This also counts toward my devotion time.
I'm not one to throw stones at anybody who doesn't have quiet times. I've learned for years that they're important, that when we spend time with God our relationship grows. We learn more about Him when we set aside time to read the Word. But with brain stretching school work, helping out around the house, working out and trying to find time to hang out with friends, at the end of the day I just want to crash on the couch and watch re runs of MASH and Home Improvement. I don't want to do anything else that involves brain work. Just give me some useless, wasteful, nonthinking activity. I don't think about reading my Bible until I go to bed, and by that time I'm only an hour away from morning. And even then it takes another hour for my brain to turn off. Sometime through the next day I think to myself "You haven't read your Bible since youth group. If you want to get closer with God you need a quiet time!" The other problem, I had no idea where I should start. Every time I picked up my Bible I started in a different book. I wanted a consistent plan.
This week I decided to join a "challenge" implemented by a member of a band I really like, Anthem Lights. The challenge was to memorize the book of James by memorizing 2 verses a day, starting April 9th. The first day was a success, and I was pretty proud of myself. The next couple of days went really well. Then...life got ahead of me. The usual routine of the day took over and I realized at night, "Oh no, I didn't memorize my verses today!" That's been the pattern for the past 3 days. This aggravates me. I told myself I was going to memorize 2 verses a day, and I'm slacking. Then today at church my pastors said something that really hit home. The pastor and his wife were speaking, and she explained how quiet times were so important, but as a mother, it was next to impossible. She told the church how she managed to read one scripture one day before her family duties took over. Later she was so upset with herself. "I can't believe I only read one scripture!" Then suddenly, the Lord spoke to her. He said, "Look at it this way. You read one scripture today!"
Life takes over. We feel guilty for going on Facebook, playing video games or watching TV when we know we should be reading our Bible. After all, God wants to spend time with us! But he's not up in heaven with a lightening bolt ready to strike. He knows how demanding our lives can be, and every minute that we spend with him, even if it's just reading one verse, is a minute that counts. So in retrospect, it's okay if I don't keep up with my daily 2 verses. I'll keep at it and I'll do my best to stay consistent, but if I fall back, God is there to catch me. He'll cheer me on, encouraging me to keep running the race. He's my biggest fan! He'll guide me, direct me, and loves me so much that he counts every second I spend with him as significant. So just remember, in the middle of our chaotic, hectic days, Jesus knows what's in our hearts. All we need to do is keep our focus on him, ask for the desire to get to know him more, and he'll make a way for that to happen.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to reset my mental scoreboard. And this time, I'll be looking at God, not myself, for the tally points.
